Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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