I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
