watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
