Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize