sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
