please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
