I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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