It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
