Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
