on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
