we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
