woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
