you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize