I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
