you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
