i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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