remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
