Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
