I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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