I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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