No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
