fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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