Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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