he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
