I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
