it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
