Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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