You don't have asthma, your pregnant
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
