ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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