If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
