If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
