So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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