You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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