Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
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Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.