Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Non-Jews are for practice

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  (617): Non-Jews are for practice http://tfl.nu/ikoa
  Replies (27) Good night (1301) Bad night (674)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  this beer tastes like vomit already

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  (352): this beer tastes like vomit already http://tfl.nu/3gdg
  Replies (11) Good night (632) Bad night (3293)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons

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  (813): she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons http://tfl.nu/lk3m
  Replies (37) Good night (788) Bad night (4855)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could

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  (973): He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could http://tfl.nu/0a7l
  Replies (36) Good night (12060) Bad night (944)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone

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  (614): i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone http://tfl.nu/w81g
  Replies (25) Good night (6492) Bad night (823)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.

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  (541): woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue. http://tfl.nu/skao
  Replies (13) Good night (4774) Bad night (3504)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.

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  (925): After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup. http://tfl.nu/n6kw
  Replies (17) Good night (4504) Bad night (1033)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.

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  (973): I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning. http://tfl.nu/dg43
  Replies (4) Good night (3830) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!

  (678): View more from Georgia

  correction: escorted out

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  (404): YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?! (678): correction: escorted out http://tfl.nu/gkul
  Replies (23) Good night (5283) Bad night (1043)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?

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  (513): Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far? http://tfl.nu/e2iz
  Replies (7) Good night (2683) Bad night (968)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.

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  (801): My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village. http://tfl.nu/2k9f
  Replies (7) Good night (1656) Bad night (1121)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You almost set me on fire last night.

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  You probably deserved it.

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  (732): You almost set me on fire last night. (1-732): You probably deserved it. http://tfl.nu/ggaf
  Replies (9) Good night (3340) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.

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  (908): No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability. http://tfl.nu/nqzp
  Replies (20) Good night (782) Bad night (3095)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).

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  (719): She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree). http://tfl.nu/fkun
  Replies (7) Good night (1024) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.

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  (516): She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY. http://tfl.nu/h5mr
  Replies (1) Good night (822) Bad night (305)

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