The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest