Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i will never coherently bang her
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?