my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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