The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
