I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Come see our sink grown plant.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...