There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
