somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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