I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Found the puke drawer
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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