i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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