So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
All I want is dick and wine.
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