I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
