he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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