I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
