Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
