So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Who died my cat blue again?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
