and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
