respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
