She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
