how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
