I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
