On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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