So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
