Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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