I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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