I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
should my penis look like a turkey
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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