Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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