If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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