fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You need a sexual gate keeper
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
