The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
