I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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