I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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