i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
