So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
