just tell him i said nine months
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
