We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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