I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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