I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
