She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
4 words: hood of his car
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
