My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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