the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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