I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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