I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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