People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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