my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
