Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
