I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
